Alright. I’ve been staring at a blank document for far too long now. It’s time to talk about an often maligned sexual subject: masturbation.
This won’t be a how-to; most of you know what to do, and if you don’t, it’s your job to figure it out. This won’t be to tell you masturbation is bad, or that it’s only for single people. Nope. Masturbation is good, and it’s for anyone who wants to engage in it.
First off, masturbation is a journey in self-discovery. Forgive me while I generalize, but this seems to be more so with people who have clitorises, and the reason is quite simple—penises are simple (relatively). For those of us without a phallus, it sometimes feels like a map would be helpful on the journey to carnal bliss. This is especially true if you’re new to self-exploration, and that’s why it’s important to give yourself plenty of time, and to relax—masturbation isn’t for or about anyone but yourself. This isn’t to say people with penises shouldn’t spend time exploring themselves, too. By all means, please do—but also understand, if you’ll be dealing with a clitoris, that they’re a completely different ball game. (Your partner can help you learn the rules.)
Not only can masturbation relieve stress, it can also generally improve your sexual encounters. After all, you partner won’t necessarily know how to get you to your destination—but if you know the lay of the road, you can steer them in the right direction. On top of that, spending some time with yourself can make you more comfortable with your body in general—helping you let go of any inhibitions you might have between the sheets.
In the context of a relationship, masturbation can still have a prominent spot on the trophy shelf. Unless it’s interfering with time in the bedroom as a couple, your partner touching themselves regularly is nothing out of the ordinary. It probably just means they’re horny, and that’s probably what you want.
Once you’re really comfortable with yourself, you might be open to letting your partner watch you—or even help you. If you’re both comfortable enough, something that can be particularly enjoyable is masturbating together. You don’t even need to be touching each other for this to be a really powerful experience—you’re sharing an intimate part of your sexuality with someone else, and them with you.