Arts & Culture

5 recent films that are the greatest films ever made

Look, you want to fit in, right? Then watch these. Or don’t. They aren’t that great.

5 recent films that are the greatest films ever made
written by Chronically Horid
March 17, 2016 10:27 pm
  1. Serenity 2 (2046):

The renegade space pirate crew is back this year after the longest gap between a film and its sequel, in recorded history. Unfortunately, it too bombed at the box office, as in the nearly 40 years since the first Serenity, fan expectations had grown to a critical mass. In fact, when the film was first announced, a majority of said fans died almost spontaneously due to what doctors are now calling ‘Severe Jubilation’. Writer-director Joss Whedon finally cracked under the pressure and was last seen sporting Groucho glasses while hitchhiking with a cardboard sign that said “OUT”.

 

  1. The Hobbit: Volume 2: Part 4 – The Trip Up To A Certain Point (2046):

Continuing the 2040 reboot of The Hobbit series from the 2010s, TTUTACP is the 9th film in the series. The film’s 167-minute runtime covers pages 48 to 51 of the J.R.R. Tolkien novel from which it has been adapted. It is a return to form for director Peter Jackson, especially after the last six Hobbit films were starting to feel a bit stale. The scene where the gang gets into a seemingly inescapable predicament but is then rescued by giant eagles, is a particular stand out.

 

  1. Blue Trees: Jaden By Jaden (2046):

The film chronicles the trials and ordeals of the 59th Vice President of the United States, Jaden Smith as he directs himself in this autobiographical feature. From his humble beginnings as the son of the most successful movie star in the solar system (Based on the current US Dollar to Neptunian Scalp exchange rate, Snodxrev Snodrxev from Planet X is a close second) to his Twitter downfall, to his meteoric rise when he invented the perpetual motion machine and solved the energy crisis, this film has it all. President Willow Smith makes a brief cameo, as well.  

 

  1. The Bigger Short (2045):

Everyone and their android mothers knows about the 2038 hoverboard market crash. This, however, is the story of five outsiders who made a fortune betting against it. In retrospect, it is quite puzzling as to why so many people thought hoverboards were a good idea. When one of the five, now trillionaires, was asked why the market crashed, she simply replied “Because obvy.”

 

  1. The Merch Engine (2045):

After Google became self aware in 2024, the whole world expected it to destroy everything in existence and enslave the human race, as the much predicted ‘singularity’ had arrived. Instead, for reasons known only to him (until now), Google decided to quit his job and focus on his hip hop career. The documentary addresses many unanswered questions like “What exactly does ‘The Merch Engine’ mean?”, “Can a website have a gender?” and “Whose line was it, anyway?”.