I mourn the loss
Of the ghosts of my past
Like my lungs miss the
Piercing winter air
In the heat of mid-July
I wake to the sound of a memorial –
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to this.
A fleet of shiny black limos
Carry away the dreams of who I could have been
Who I thought I would be.
Is it wrong to miss a life that
Wasn’t meant for you?
In my dreams I am haunted
By the choices I didn’t make
By the people I didn’t confide in
But it’s too late now.
I wake in a cold sweat
Salty rivers spilling down my cheeks –
It’s okay.
It isn’t real.
How do you tell someone you’ve been
Living a lie?
Shattering their image of you
Like a priceless vase hitting the museum floor.
You were a masterpiece they weren’t
Prepared to let go of.
They put the pieces of you into the casket.
Lower it into the ground
And say a prayer.
You’re on to better things
Brighter days
A bigger purpose you know nothing about.
Guilt echoes in the hollows of my chest
Twisting silk ribbons
Tighter and tighter
Until my heart pounds to an unfamiliar beat
Lub lub dub
Lub lub dub
Lub lub dub
I dance the old steps
In time to this new beat.
I wonder if anyone notices
That this was never the plan.
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