If you’re not used to sharing a space with people you’re not related to, the transition can be difficult. I’ve never seen so many bottles in a shower, or so many mugs in a cabinet. But it’s fun. The roommate relationship is all about sharing. Coffee, alcohol, advice—sex noises—everything.
It’s happened to everyone. You hear an unfamiliar creak or squeak. You hear voices, but no words, and you wonder if that’s what you think it is.
When it doesn’t stop—it intensifies, or picks up speed—you realize that yes, it is. Your roommate is having sex.
While there usually isn’t a 100 per cent effective way to drown out your blissed out buddy, everyone can do something to help.
First and foremost: at least try to keep it down. (This, of course, refers to the roommate having the sex.) We know it feels good, and we know it’s hard to contain those moans and sighs of pleasure but…could you at least give it a shot? And for those of you who listen in envy/annoyance, give them a break. How many times have you told yourself you’d be quiet, only to lose control of your vocal cords? Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Next, something the whole household can enjoy: music. This one’s really a group effort. Usually it begins when those not having sex start to get really annoyed. They’ll put on some music, and they’ll turn it up loud. If you’re the one causing the ruckus, you’re not allowed to complain, even if your roommate plays “Wrecking Ball.” (If you’re a roommate, then please, don’t play “Wrecking Ball.”) Same goes for the one having sex—it’s only fair to turn it up loud enough to mask some of your noise, but make sure it’s something everyone can at least tolerate. This should cut down on any passive-aggressive/not so passive-aggressive notes stuck to your door.
Finally, if it’s an option, go somewhere else. Your partner’s apartment, perhaps? Realistically, someone is probably going to have to put up with you. The least you can do is spread the joy.