The production team here at Ben’s 10, which consists of myself and a Muppet, have had a good run this semester. We’ve helped guide people through the harsh reality of an NHL lockout, advised sports fans everywhere on what to eat and even raised awareness for a good cause through facial hair. As the term grinds to an end, and flannel transitions from ironic fashion statement to practical warm clothing, there is one more opportunity to cut loose with some true patriot love: the Grey Cup. Don’t know a-boat partying in the Great White North? Well, we’re here as always to help with 10 suggestions for throwing a beaut of a Grey Cup party.
1) Sincere guests: Nothing’s worse than watching the game with people that will purposely mock the nuances of the CFL game. Tell those hosers to take off and invite people that will have some good, clean fun!
2) Good manners: ‘Please,’ ‘excuse me’ and ‘pardon me’ should be the most uttered phrases at your party. Thanks in advance, and I hope this doesn’t inconvenience you.
3) A DVD of a Tragically Hip concert: I have no intention of listening to that coiffed chipmunk perform at halftime. Why Selena, why?
4) One Saskatchewan Roughriders fan: Every Grey Cup party needs one of these good-natured yet snake-bitten supporters of the Big Green. While casual chirping is permissible, talking to them about the 13-man penalty is like mentioning Alderaan to Princess Leia, or a hockey rink to a Dal student.
5) Food. Lots of it: Make your party a potluck and share like your mother raised you to. This also means that everyone helps clean!
6) Climate control: Although the game will be played in a closed SkyDome (what’s the Rogers Centre?), Canadian football is at its best when it’s cold. Open all the windows in your house, get a cool breeze flowing in and really feel like you’re at an outdoor game.
7) A portrait of Her Majesty the Queen: That’ll keep the Manitobans quiet.
8) A PlayStation 3: What? At some point the game will get tedious, so it’s smart thinking to have a backup plan.
9) Beer: Listen to our ambassadors to the world from the 1980s, Bob and Doug McKenzie, and load up on some two-fours of Molson.
10) A prolonged NHL lockout: Otherwise, we’ll be thinking about the only ‘grey cup’ that truly matters, and that’s Lord Stanley’s.
Best of luck on your upcoming exams, and, in the words of President Abraham Lincoln, “Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!”