Advice

10 porn moves that don’t work

Creating a culture of mutual pleasure

10 porn moves that don't workphoto by : Chris Stoodley
written by Lexi Kuo
September 15, 2018 12:17 pm

Womens’ orgasms are not given the priority they deserve.

Western, heterosexual sex culture is heavily biased toward the penis-possessing counterparts. This bias takes many forms. It’s visible in all forms of mass media. It’s also visible in societal attitudes, in the ways that sex is discussed in classrooms and in day-to-day life.

Perhaps the most explicit manifestation of this bias is mainstream pornography. Porn doesn’t usually represent sex that is considerate to both parties – where male and female pleasure are of equal value. Rather, the woman’s role is only to fulfill the man and her value is reduced to the size of her breasts and the “tightness” of her snatch.

Even some lesbian porn plays out as what males seem to think lesbian sex should look like, rather than the real thing.

Some argue that porn isn’t meant to be a realistic depiction of sex. It isn’t meant to be empowering to women. It’s meant for people, usually men alone with their hand and a bottle of lotion just trying to get a nut.

In these moments, women’s equality or the consequences of porn to society are the last of their concerns.

Yet the reality is, porn is the source from which many young folks first learn about sex. Many of us have memories of our middle school selves, googling “boobs” or “sex” in some dimly lit corner of our homes. Another homework tab open, ready for a surprise checkup from a parent. In those times, clandestine googling was a risky affair.

Nowadays, every grade-schooler has a smartphone. Porn is available at their fingertips, whether they like it or not.

The average age of exposure to porn in the US is 13 years for males, and 14 for females. A third of adolescent males have watched porn containing “gang bangs” and/or “rough oral sex,” and 12% of adolescent females.

A UK study found that 53% of males consider porn to represent “realistic sex,” and 39% of females.

We can all agree that the sanitized, awkward conversations in health class don’t really shed much light on what actual sex is supposed to look like. Or the importance of mutual pleasure.

The pleasure side of sex seems completely taboo in most standard school sexual education programs. For many adolescents, porn may be the only source they can look to if they want to really get an idea of sex beyond the mechanical instructions of how to put on a condom. The prevalence of porn in the sexual explorations of adolescents is undeniable. As is the fact that learning about sex through porn has consequences for their eventual sex lives.

I’m sure many ladies can relate to the utter cringe of a man attempting a move that may be common to porn, but bring no physical enjoyment.

Woke sex

Men, this is your wake-up call. Women, send this to the sexually un-woke men in your lives.

Women are just as entitled to sexual pleasure just as much as men are. We must work to overcome the male-pleasure biased material that everyone exposed to.

Why does sex start with a man’s penis getting hard, and end with his ejaculation? Why is a woman giving a man a blowjob considered “hooking-up” despite the utter lack of reciprocity?

We’re still overcoming the taboo around female sexual pleasure. It’s a recent phenomenon that women are becoming more comfortable with asserting and discussing their pleasure. Let’ address this head on and get into the real birds and the bees. Not the PG version your parents or high school health teacher gave you.

Overcoming widespread myths isn’t easy. It takes deliberate effort and thought. Hopefully this list will open you up to toward a more equal conception of sex in our society.

Give women their orgasms. Ask them how.

  1. Asking her if she loves your “massive cock” and other comments about the size of your penis.
  2. Slapping her lady parts with your dick.
  3. Slapping her lady parts with your hand.
  4. Non-stop pelvic motoring.
  5. Timid licks.
  6. Pretend threatening anal when she’s already expressed that she doesn’t want anal.
  7. Shoving your dick down her throat as a “surprise.”
  8. Coming in her mouth as a “surprise.”
  9. Diving right in to aggressive finger-fucking after two minutes of hooking up.
  10. Vigorously rubbing your dick on her face.

This list is by no means definitive. Every woman has their own opinion. And different moods may bring different moves. The hope is that we can all be more considerate and aware in our sex lives.

Asking if her if you can try something is hot. Mutual pleasure means thinking and communicating with our partners about what sex moves actually feel good for woman and man beyond simply replicating the male dominated scenes of common pornography.

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