Sunglasses at night

By Dalhousie Gazette Staff

Thank you, Corey Hart, for ruining everything. Twenty-six years ago you released a single that changed the landscape of pop music – in the most negative way possible. You actually made people believe that wearing sunglasses at night made you look cool. Your cultural paradigm shift will probably continue to ruin dance clubs for another three decades.
However, it would be hard to solely blame you, Corey. Can I call you Corey? The real blame lies in the soul-less fashion disasters that walk into nightclubs all around the world sporting eyewear made to block UV rays, but instead creating an exhausting aura of douche.
The main culprits behind the sunglasses at night phenomenon are males aged 19 to 35. For some reason, only males can put glasses on at night and look like a total douche. If a girl at a club borrows one of these men’s aviators – and they usually are aviators – she will just seem adorable because she is drunkenly stealing items from people.
There are two main reasons why this trend of wearing sunglasses at night has become popular in bars.
The first reason goes back to the notorious consumption of cocaine in dance clubs in the 1980s. Sunglasses were employed by drug dealers and drug users to subdue the bright swirling lights that felt fantastic to the drunks and stressful to the coked-out club-goers.
The second reason is equally depressing. People began wearing sunglasses at clubs in attempt to mimic the club-goers who were on cocaine.
Therefore, in clubs you will find two types of people wearing sunglasses at night: people high on cocaine and people who are pretending to be on cocaine or inhabit a Trainspotting kind of image. Either way these people have a problem. They also look wickedly un-cool.
So yes, Corey Hart, it is unfair to put all the blame on you for creating a generation of obnoxious-looking club goers. You probably weren’t referring to the glamourization of drug use at clubs in your 1983 hit. You were simply trying to “keep track of the visions” in your eyes. But come on, that is equally as dumb as pretending to be on drugs in an attempt to pick up girls.