Nostalgia

I mourn the loss

Of the ghosts of my past

Like my lungs miss the

Piercing winter air

In the heat of mid-July

I wake to the sound of a memorial –

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to this.

A fleet of shiny black limos

Carry away the dreams of who I could have been

Who I thought I would be.

Is it wrong to miss a life that

Wasn’t meant for you?

In my dreams I am haunted

By the choices I didn’t make

By the people I didn’t confide in

But it’s too late now.

I wake in a cold sweat

Salty rivers spilling down my cheeks –

It’s okay.

It isn’t real.

How do you tell someone you’ve been

Living a lie?

Shattering their image of you

Like a priceless vase hitting the museum floor.

You were a masterpiece they weren’t

Prepared to let go of.

They put the pieces of you into the casket.

Lower it into the ground

And say a prayer.

You’re on to better things

Brighter days

A bigger purpose you know nothing about.

Guilt echoes in the hollows of my chest

Twisting silk ribbons

Tighter and tighter

Until my heart pounds to an unfamiliar beat

Lub lub dub

Lub lub dub

Lub lub dub

I dance the old steps

In time to this new beat.

I wonder if anyone notices

That this was never the plan.