Sexability: friends-with-benefits

Hello my lovelies,

It’s the new school year and that means a return to not only homework but the confusing world of dating and sex. I hope to make that confusing journey a little easier but I’m still figuring it out myself so hopefully, we can get through this together.

One of the things I’ve noticed especially in the university community is your concept of friends-with-benefits. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against the concept; I simply don’t understand it. People say it could be easier because it takes less time and effort than a traditional relationship.

When I think about it, though, it seems a lot more complicated.

In a traditional relationship, you know what’s expected of you and your partner. When you enter into a friends-with-benefits relationship those rules go out the window and you don’t know.

This could be very freeing if you are open and talkative with your prospective partner, however in my experience – because people don’t want to talk about these things – you both end up just being very confused and in my experience afraid to say anything because it might be against your agreement.

Then there’s the whole pesky emotions thing. Some people say this doesn’t affect them but I think most of us who say that are fooling ourselves.

I am merely stating that you will probably feel some sort of attachment at some point and that this can make things very complicated and very painful for everyone involved.

If you are going to enter into a friend-with-benefits relationship I have one piece of advice, talk. Before anything happens, set some ground rules. (Writing them down may be helpful even if it isn’t sexy.)

Do constant check-ins with yourself and your partner to see how you both are feeling about the arrangement and change it if necessary. I stress this to anyone who is not in a monogamous relationship: get tested because there’s nothing sexy about sexually transmitted infections or diseases.

I guess that’s it for this week if you have any questions feel free to email me and I will talk about it in the next article. Have a great week.

vicky_levack@hotmail.com