Editor’s note: This is a satirical article. If you’re a Dalhousie student struggling with mental health issues, contact the Student Health and Wellness Centre (902-494-2171), or the Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team (1-888-429-8167) for emergencies.
Dalhousie University has announced some exciting virtual initiatives to help students cope with mental health issues next semester.
Therapy dogs and stress balls
Many students at Dalhousie can agree on one thing: This year has been mentally and emotionally exhausting. We’ve had to deal with the switch from in-person to online learning, all while living through a pandemic. But thankfully, Dal students don’t need to worry any longer! In true Dalhousie fashion, the school has come up with tons of new mental health initiatives because more than anything the university cares about the well-being of their students.
After Dal’s Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences opened an online forum on Brightspace for students to complain about school, the university heard the call for more mental health resources. So, starting in January 2021, Dal will officially be bringing back therapy dogs. However, to keep things safe and accessible, they will be emailing all Dal students pictures of different dogs each week. Make sure to keep an eye on your Dal emails for Therapy Dog Thursdays.
To help manage the stress of online learning and a global pandemic, Dalhousie will mail tiger-shaped stress balls (Go Tigers!) for the low price of $50 to any interested students. They are also including a free pamphlet of activities and resources for students having a hard time during the school year. The pamphlet entails helpful advice to combat the seasonal and holiday blues, such as going for a walk, looking on the bright side of things, taking a bath, baking bread or making a list of all the things you’re grateful for (like being a Dalhousie student!). Make sure you order your stress balls and pamphlets soon so you can get even more hot tips from Dalhousie about managing stress.
Breakout rooms and breakdowns
Dalhousie is hosting a few workshops via Zoom to support students. The first one is called “Breakout Rooms and Breakdowns.” It is meant to be a private, but non-isolated virtual space for students. Simply sign into a breakout room within your Zoom group to cry with other students between online lectures. The breakout rooms will consist of five students each and will be randomly assigned once all interested students join the Zoom call. Dal anticipates this workshop will fill up quickly, so make sure to sign up on Jan. 1, 2021.
Another new workshop beginning next semester is called “Box Dye and Self-Deprivation.” Dal knows many students throughout the pandemic have been box dying their hair as a coping mechanism. So, Dal has decided to host a workshop on how to properly box dye hair and prevent damage to your beautiful locks. This workshop will be held once a month. Make sure you attend and get all the great tips on how to impulsively dye your hair.
The third workshop is called “Burnout and Baking.” Does online school have you feeling burned out? Dalhousie has the workshop for you! Students are invited to learn how to bake bread via Zoom. Ever felt nostalgic for the delicious on-campus cuisine of residence halls? Well you’re in luck. The chefs from Grizzly Hall residence will be teaching Dalhousie students how to make sourdough. Baking bread is a great new hobby students can learn while their pre-recorded lectures pile up.
With Dalhousie’s second semester of online learning fast approaching, all of its students can relax knowing those four months will also be filled with emailed stock images of therapy dogs, tiger-shaped stress balls, luxury private breakout rooms for crying, bread baking classes and hair dyeing tutorials.
Disclosure: Hannah Bing is a member of the Dalhousie Gazette publishing board.