Glace Bay eager to host pro sports

Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article.

Orlando, Fla., Toronto and now potentially Glace Bay, N.S.

As professional sports begin to return to televisions everywhere, there is a growing demand for safe facilities where these games can be played. The demand for sports bubbles such as the NBA bubble in Orlando is apparent. Now, one small Cape Breton town in NovaScotia is rising to the challenge.

“Well me and the fellas were talking and it occurred to us that if they can do it, why can’t we?” said Glace Bay Mayor Dale Fridge, the man behind the town’s bid to become an athletic mecca. “I looked into it and the only thing you need for most sports is a big field, and hell, Glace Bay is at least 90 per cent field.”

In a move described by some critics as “overly optimistic,” the Glace Bay city council has contacted at least four major sports leagues to offer the town as a place to set up a bubble. In a statement released by the council, it was revealed that while they have already been turned down by the National Hockey League (NHL), Major League Soccer (MLS) and Spikeball Coalition (SBC), the town remains optimistic someone will take up the offer soon.

Benefits of sport in Glace Bay

The mayor and council remain confident if they continue to advertise, eventually someone will want to come to Cape Breton.

“It is a little frustrating. There seems to be some misunderstanding over what we have to offer,” Fridge said in response to comments from an SBC representative who claimed GlaceBay simply lacks the facilities for high-level athletic competition. “Quite frankly, they are just being picky. As mentioned before, we have more than enough fields, plenty of standing room for spectators and three Tim Hortons within walking distance of anywhere.”

The plan, if it works, represents a golden opportunity for a region that could heavily benefit from increased tourism. The sports bubble, it is hoped, will help bring more attention to Glace Bay and the surrounding areas internationally.

Fridge is optimistic this will be a great economic move for the town.

“All we need to do is get ourselves out there and get flight bans dropped, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Fridge said.

Outside of concerns regarding facilities, or rather the lack of them, there has also been some debate around whether Glace Bay is in fact a convenient location for leagues such as the MLS, where the majority of teams are based in the United States.

“When we crunched the numbers for transporting all our players, support staff, equipment and supplies, it turned out it would cost more to travel to Goose Bay, or whatever it’s called, than if we moved their entire town to us,” said Tony Embezzliani, general manager of the New York Red Bulls. “It was an extremely kind offer, but entirely unwarranted.”

The town council has stated it will continue its efforts to establish the sports bubble despite the initial lukewarm response. When asked why, Fridge responded, “Well, honestly, I don’t really have much else to do.”