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HomeArts & CultureThe A-B-C’s of S-E-X

The A-B-C’s of S-E-X

(Illustration by Charlotte Butcher)
(Illustration by Charlotte Butcher)

Anal Play: Lube up and use fingers first before trying for larger penetration. Also nothing that touches your butt touches your vagina without being washed.

BDSM: Discuss and practice active consent, have fun, aftercare matters.

Cunnilingus: Don’t forget about the clitoris, that’s where most pleasure will be experienced for most female-bodied people.

Dirty Talk: Different words do different things for different people. Know what terms you both like. Some people like the word dick, others like cock – chat about it.

Ejaculation: Both male and female-bodied people can ejaculate. Some people call it gushing/squirting/jizzing/surging, whatever you call it, it can come in different volumes and consistencies, and also it’s not urine.

Foreplay: It matters. It can extend the sexual experience and makes it more enjoyable for all parties involved.

G-Spot: Two words – Come Hither. Make a motion like you’re calling someone over to you with your fingers against the front of the vaginal wall, and enjoy the results.

Hand-Jobs: Don’t forget it’s not all about the penis or the vagina. Sometimes it’s about the clitoris, the testicles, or the perineum (taint).

Impotence: It’s perfectly normal not to be able to get it up sometimes and all parties involved should know that it’s not an insult. A lot of factors like alcohol, drugs, and stress can contribute to this.

Jacking-Off: Getting yourself off is a great way to get to know yourself, to resolve sexual frustration, and to practice self-care. Also, if you’re trying to last longer, it might help to get yourself off earlier in the day.

Kissing: Sometimes kissing for the sake of kissing is fun. Don’t feel pressured to make it keep going – intimacy doesn’t have to have a goal other than mutual pleasure.

Libido: People have different sexual needs. Some people want sex multiple times a day, some never want sex, some only want it on special occasions, some want it with a partner, some want it with multiple partners, and some only like it alone. All of these things are perfectly OK and natural.

Menstruation: Period sex is totally fine. Not everyone likes it, but female-bodied people are often more aroused on their period and sex can help with cramps. If you’re worried about the mess, do it in the shower or lay down a towel.

Nipples: Some female-bodied people find nipples erotic, others don’t. The same goes for male-bodied people. Check in with your partner(s) to find out what they like.

One-Night Stand: They can be fun as long as everyone is clear on the situation ahead of time. If you don’t want it to turn into anything make that clear. Wear a condom, make sure you’re both consenting, and have fun.

Prostate: The prostate is a small walnut-sized gland in male-bodied peoples’ anuses that can be extremely erotic. It can be accessed via the anus with the same come-hither motion as the g-spot, or it can be stimulated through the perineum (taint).

Queefs: Queefing is totally normal. It happens when air gets trapped in the folds of the vagina and pushes out. It can be a result of certain sexual positions or even certain types of exercise. If it’s causing a problem, just change positions.

Rimming: Using your mouth or tongue to stimulate someone’s anus. This activity can be the goal of the sexual experience itself, or great foreplay for anal play with fingers, butt plugs, dildos, and penises.

STI: Remember that STIs can be asymptomatic so if you don’t want to put your partner(s) at risk and you know that you engaged in an activity that put you at risk, go to a clinic and get an STI test.

Testicles: Some male-bodied people find their testicles too sensitive for touching, or can only handle light touching. Others like a firmer touch. Talk about this with your partner(s) to find out what they like.

Underwear: Wearing hot underwear is a great way to feel good about yourself and sexy all day. But remember, cotton breathes better than satin or lace.

Virginity: I cannot stress this enough: virginity is a made-up social construct that only matters as much as the importance you place in it. Your body is your own and you shouldn’t be “losing” anything the first time you have sex or any time after that.

Wet: Yes, it’s a good sign if a female bodied person is wet but it doesn’t necessarily indicate arousal. It can happen for a variety of reasons or it could even just be discharge. Still, always seek consent.

X-Rated: The watching or making of porn can be a great sexy activity to enjoy with your partner(s), just be sure that no one is being exploited and unrealistic expectations are not being perpetuated.

Yes: one of many word you can enthusiastically say to indicate that you’re enjoying yourself and consent to the activity. Others include but are not limited to “keep going, don’t stop,” or “I like that.”

Zie/Zir : Non-Binary Pronouns. Remember, not everyone uses the pronouns assigned to them at birth. Check in with your partner(s) and friends about the pronouns that fit them.

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