Friday, May 17, 2024
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“I’ve been trying to find a decent stroker for about three million years.

No, I don’t want it to look like some anthropomorphic detached flesh blob, or be branded after some famous porn star from California. I’m a working man who needs a functional tool – something to get the job done, down to earth, no frills, plain and simple.

This one changed my life, brought back some semblance of control in my busy schedule, and is honestly making my romantic (and sexual) relationships more productive and healthy. 10/10.”  –– Feeling pragmadick

“She’s bold, spunky, a little bit ~crazy~ but still soft and tender, which reflects through the pink in her skin. She’s there for me when no one else is, but we are far from exclusive.

Through a week, through a night, we meet many people, together and sometimes apart or alone or just us. She loves to tease me, tickle me and taunt me, but I love her all the same.  

My friend introduced me to her when I was in eleventh grade, and we’ve been hanging out ever since. We’ve travelled through three provinces together and spent one year apart. Some of my other partners are intimidated by the connection I have with her –– she takes me places few others can.”  –– Lasting love

“About a year ago, my little blue rabbit vibrator died. I wasn’t upset because I was living with my lover and the orgasms were constant at the time. That little fucker got me through some hard times though –– I bought it in 2012 after a breakup and it served me well for six years (way better than the cheap electric toothbrush I bought to use as my first “toy”).

Anyways, fast forward to 2019: I’m in a long-distance relationship, about four months strong. My boyfriend is the worst. He ignores me for days, says mean things and cheats on me. This used to be counter-balanced by him being really nice and loving most of the time, but lately it’s just been pure asshole-ry. I don’t really care because we’ve been off and on for years and I’ve also been hooking up with other people for my own sanity.  

It’s the fucking worst. Everyone is gross. Everyone’s dick is gross.  

And nobody can make me come like my boyfriend. I’m fairly certain that’s the main premise behind loving him even though he’s a sociopath; but I try not to think about it too much because I have too many things far more important than love and sociopaths going on in my life. 

So, I’m grocery shopping a couple weeks ago and I stop into the sex store.  

(The last time I was there, I spent 60 dollars on maid lingerie per aforementioned boyfriend’s request and he still hasn’t even fucking see me wear it!). 

I need a vibrator. Nothing else is cutting it. I’m sexually depraved. Dudes in Halifax are generally repulsive fuckboys (which wouldn’t be so bad if they could actually fuck).  

I spend a solid 45 minutes looking at the toys before settling on a sleek-looking black wand, about half the size of a Hitachi.  

This is the one! I send my boyfriend and picture and he wants to see one of me using it, but fuck him. This is about me. Even when he’s giving me multiple orgasms, it’s not about me, it’s about him and his stupid male ego. I can tell by the smirk on his stupid, smug face.  

It’s been two weeks. I named it Tyler Swift. I don’t know why. I love him. And, he’s rechargeable! No more rabbit and it’s ancient technology, going through like 8 AA batteries in a month. Now I don’t have to rations my orgasms – MY orgasms. Not his. I felt bad about spending the 100 dollars because I also needed a new pair of earphones. I decided to go with the vibrator instead and two days later I found a new pair of earphones on the bus. It was meant to be. I love Tyler Swift.” 

– Bitter but pleasured 

“She’s shy and seems like she would be boring, but once you get to know her she’s a blast.

She’s a little cutie but she can cause a big buzz! We’ve been together for about a year and she is my first so the relationship is still new and exciting.

She has been introduced to a few special friends. She is a real fun and snazzy gal and I have loved our relationship together.”  –– Honeymooning


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