Among the many “positivity” movements to have sprung up lately, sex positivity is one of my favourites. For one, it goes hand in hand with body positivity: the happier a person is with their body, the more sex they’ll probably want to have. This can work the other way around, too—have lots of fulfilling sex, and you might find you have a lot more self-confidence. But sex positivity is about more than a physical act, and more than “fuck and let fuck”—it’s an exercise in self-love—an exercise in discovering and accepting your kinks and quirks, as well as your partner’s.
For those of you who aren’t glued to Tumblr or other social media (good for you, and try to keep it that way), the basics of sex positivity might escape your conscience. So, let me lay them down. One: no sex is “wrong” that is between, and causing no harm to, capably consenting adults. You don’t like threesomes or open relationships? Good thing you don’t have to have one. Two: a person’s sexual preferences don’t necessarily make them a bad person. Three: there is no “wrong” amount of sex to have, only what’s right for you—even if that means no sex at all. (Keep in mind, though, that there is such a thing as too much sex—that’s when it starts interfering with your day-to-day life.) Four: being sex-positive doesn’t have to mean being loud and out there about it. Not talking about sex doesn’t mean you’re not pro-sex.
Beyond those basics, I think sex positivity goes much deeper than just the physical. Even if you’re not in love with the person you’re having sex with (which is entirely possible and in no way reprehensible), you should be head-over-heels in love with at least one of the people involved: yourself. Because sex, even solo sex, should be an act of love. And by that, I mean something that leaves you with a smile on your face and feeling awesome. You are awesome and you work hard and you deserve that orgasm—just because. Say it with me: I deserve that orgasm.
And that orgasm can help calm you down after a stressful day and put you in a good mood—both things that can increase your positive output into your surroundings. On top of that, sex is just good at getting rid of those little naggy negative feelings—the small, inconsequential things have a tendency to vanish in that post-o glow.
Don’t worry if you’re not always able to climax—sometimes connecting with your partner and sharing in their joy can be just as fulfilling as getting there yourself.