Marriage is a high stakes game and it’s played for keeps. The scope of its permanence is terrifying. The vulnerability required, the trust. Marriage often results in caring for a little human. That little human is required for the survival of the species. Ugh, and the potential for dependence.
It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done.
The impetus for getting married was pretty simple: she’s the best.
Our trajectory was pretty common. We met on the internet and went on some dates. The clincher was when she had me over for dinner and I cooked. I made her Mexican food with mole sauce made from scratch. She took a bite and sighed into her plate. “I’m way more impressed than I thought I’d be.”
We had all of those stupid, disgustingly cute couple inside jokes. The ones that make your friends make puke faces as you patiently explain to them why it’s the funniest and/or cutest thing in the world.
The kicker for me was the communication. There is no confusion about where we stand with each other. If there are issues, we talk. If there aren’t issues, we talk. If there’s tension, we take some space, figure out why we are upset, then talk. Talk until it’s through, resolved.
It’s a lot of talking.
We spend time doing things that aren’t hanging out with each other. She has her hobbies and friends, I have my hobbies and friends. This ensures we have things to talk about.
All of those terrifying things at the top are the foundation for a successful matrimony. Some people will say marriage is old fashioned, or not necessary. The thing is those people aren’t wrong. We (probably) would have been happy without being married. But we’re now officially, legally and symbolically invested in each other. It’s a little difference but it’s also a huge difference. The relationship is better now than it was before we were married, even though it’s almost exactly the same.
My editor asked me to interview my wife. I didn’t actually need to but I did for fun though:
Q: “Why is marriage awesome?”
A: “Because you cook for me and give me back rubs.”
Q: “No, not to me, just marriage.”
A: “Oh, it’s nice knowing that you have my back no matter what. To belong. Everyone’s got to have a tribe.”