Canada

Canadian Forces Solves Fat Problem

written by Chronically Horid
March 17, 2016 11:08 pm

The Canadian Forces used to have a problem with it’s members being fat, but that all changed when they lowered the physical fitness requirements.

“It’s amazing!” Exclaims Capt(N) Jones, base commander of CFB Halifax, “we used to have these land walruses waddle out of their PT test unfit, but now they waddle out fighting fit!”

The Canadian Forces had a problem with their members not staying in shape the Navy in particular had the most members overweight. The leadership in the Navy tried everything, they banned bacon for a week and also ran a health and wellness campaign. In the end however Canadian Forces just lowered their standard for success.

The Canadian Forces changed from their old physical fitness test, to a new FORCE test where members need to complete five common military tasks.

“In the old test people had to run back and forth for six minutes and do some push ups. Now all we have to do is walk back and forth eight times and lift a sandbag,” Jones explains.

Although the FORCE test was implemented two years ago the CF didn’t announce the results until today.

“We needed to make sure the results were consistent year to year before we called our experiment a success,” Jones says.

The results have the medical community excited about the possibilities. “Could they have solved the global obesity epidemic?” Mused Doctor Weisman a surgeon at the QE2 in Halifax “What if all we’ve had to do this whole time was just lower our standards?”

For Jones this result is bittersweet “we could have solved this problem a lot sooner if we had known it was this easy. It isn’t new to us, our troops have been lowering their standards in bars at home and abroad for a long as I can remember.”

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