Monday, March 4, 2024

All tied up

How to take part in safe and sexy bondage

Comfy and restraining. Photo by Alice Hebb
Comfy and restraining. Photo by Alice Hebb

The desire to be restrained has a long history. Bondage, as an aesthetic and sexual activity, was on the rise in Japan as early as the 17th Century. In the past 150 years, bondage has moved West and found its way into paintings, poetry, film, magazines, photography, and of course, pornography.

Bondage has become a mainstream kink. Unfortunately, education about bondage has not caught up as quickly. Tying someone up, or being tied up, can be sexy, empowering, releasing, intimate and fun. But without knowledge it can be dangerous (and not in the sexy way). That’s why I want to walk you through the steps to have awesome, sexy, safe bondage.

The Talk

Chat about what you and your partner(s) want, what your nervous about, and what you are and are not into (ideally while your undies are still on). Talk about ways to stop or end the scenario (safety words, gestures, etc.) and how to check in with your partner(s) during the activity. This might not seem inherently sexy, but if you have agency in your sexual activity and are comfortable with your partner, it will allow you to be less inhibited and increase the likelihood of having amazing sex.

The Restraints

Your options are as varied as you are creative when it comes to restraining gear. Some of the usual suspects include: scarves, neckties, cuffs, pleasure tape, leather and ropes. A common starting point is mild experimentation with scarves, neckties, or other items you might have around the house. I’d recommend this route before you head out to Canadian Tire for a ¼ inch nylon rope.

Pleasure tape (or sex tape) is tape that only adheres to itself. This allows individuals with little knowledge of knots to perform bondage without pulling hairs or tearing skin.

Make sure when you are using any fabric or rope restraints that you are leaving them loose enough for circulation and can be easily untied. One of the easiest methods of restraining for beginners is the two-column tie (an instructional video about it can be found at: www.twistedmonk.com). You can use a similar tie to the two-column tie with pleasure tape by wrapping two limbs together while leaving a space in-between, then wrapping that space shut with more pleasure tape.

If you want to get into more complex leather and ropes, I’d recommend getting in touch with Society of Bastet Nova Scotia (www.societyofbastet.com) who often teaches workshops on all things kinky. You can also get in contact with the wonderful peeps down at Venus Envy (1598 Barrington St.) for more information.

The Aftercare

No matter how mild, bondage is not something you initiate when you’ve got class in an hour. It takes time, concentration and care. Unfortunately, it is depicted in mainstream porn as being an act that doesn’t require a warm up or cool down. But bondage, unlike its depiction in most pornography, certainly needs a cool down. Check in with your partner. Talk about the things that turned you on during the act, as well as anything that you felt weird about. Cuddle, if your partner is cool with that. Essentially, make sure both of you feel like respected, sexy peeps before you peace out for the day.

Bondage can be really fun, sexy and enjoyable. It can also be triggering, uncomfortable, awkward and painful. The best way to have more of the former and less of the latter is dialogue.

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