Let’s talk about asexuality

Love is beautiful. Love doesn’t have to be hot




The problem with being asexual is that it can take a long time to actually figure it out.

Not that interested in guys? Maybe you’re gay.

Not that interested in girls? Maybe you just haven’t met the right one. You’ll find the right gal, guy or someone in between eventually, and let me tell you, they’re going to be HOT.

Wait, what does hot mean again?

Aesthetically pleasing? That’s really more for statues (although that guy you passed the other day had perfectly symmetrical features, damn.)

Beautiful? Nah, that’s what you call your female relatives. Or Lin Manuel Miranda’s existence.

Is it what you feel when you have a crush on someone? Well…no, not really, because as much as you want to just listen to them talk forever you don’t necessarily want to…kiss them. Or anything else.

Maybe really not anything else.

At this point in your self-evaluation, one of two things happens. One, you decide you’re broken, and no one will ever love you (which is COMPLETELY WRONG AND GARBAGE AND DON’T EVER THINK THAT) or you stumble on the word ‘asexual.’ I found it in a fanfiction, some people find it in novels, and some people know someone else like them.

Once you get going, there’s a whole world of us out here, and so many new words. Like demisexual, where you find out what hot means when you have an emotional connection with someone, or graysexual, where you sometimes know what hot means and sometimes don’t. Just like any other sexuality, asexuality has a wide range of experiences, and hey, if the word works for you, go ahead and use it!

(Not like there’s an ace surplus).

Asexuality’s a relatively new word in terms of using it to describe human behaviour, but guess what? Aces aren’t new. We’ve been around just as long as any other sexuality, and in my opinion it’s time for people to start talking about it.

Let’s talk about having deeply fulfilling platonic relationships because that’s what you want, and finding out that your desires change over time but that doesn’t mean you were living a lie, because that’s what you want now. Let’s talk about loves that have compromises and struggles and laughter and fear, just like any other love, with maybe less sex or a different kind of sex or sex without attraction because that’s what they want. Love is beautiful. Love doesn’t have to be hot.

Let’s bring the Ace of Hearts into the conversation. Let’s have a Valentine’s Day where we talk about the whole deck of cards, where we celebrate the love we give each other and the love that we deserve. Because everyone deserves to be loved the way they need and want.

Even if they make terrible card puns.

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Adrienne Colborne

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