Cheating. A dreaded danger in seemingly every relationship. You’ve heard a horror story from a friend at least once in your life. You’ve also likely worried about it in a previous, or even current, relationship.
As I write this article, I bring my own experience, the stories I’ve heard and the aftermaths I’ve witnessed from people in my life. However, I’m not here to be some moral compass on how to conduct yourself in relationships. It’s up to you to make decisions that are best for you and your partner. So, what is up with cheating?
Is it ever excusable?
Cheating is usually a symptom of a larger problem. There could be many reasons to justify it depending on the relationship or situation. But psychoanalyzing your partner and their life up until the incident won’t help. When a person makes the choice to cheat, they are jeopardizing their relationship, betraying trust and choosing to act out rather than address an internal struggle or problem within the relationship.
I don’t think cheating is ever okay, but some people may not agree. There are various couples who have been able to look past their partners’ infidelities — it’s different for everyone. What works for one couple may not work for you. So, it’s important to enter into a relationship where you feel your needs are met and you are comfortable.
Why do people cheat?
People cheat for many reasons. Though your mind may jump to questions like, “Why wasn’t I good enough?” or “What did I do wrong?” this creates a vicious cycle of insecurity or self doubt. People cheat for many reasons, and in this scenario you are an innocent bystander. It’s as if you’ve witnessed a robbery or break-in. Trying to make sense of the crime or justify the criminal’s reasoning is a waste of time and it will only end up hurting you more. The most important thing to know is that cheating is never about you. It has everything to do with the person who commits the act. Some reasons may include:
Short term satisfaction — The act of cheating may give some people an adrenaline rush or quench a thirst. The rush of committing the act may feel addicting in the short term but also leave them depleted afterward, creating a vicious cycle.
Insecurity/insecure attachment — Unstable attachments in our personal lives or upbringings can influence our relationships. For example, children of divorced parents may emulate their parents’ relationships without even realizing. Additionally, low self esteem can explain insecurity, leading them to chase external validation.
Is cheating too normalized in the media?
We often see our favourite characters struggle in their own relationships and forgiving their partners for repeated infidelity.
My favourite example is Carrie from Sex and the City. As the audience watches her tumultuous relationship with Big, we see how deeply this relationship affects her self esteem and her close personal friendships. Eventually, we see the effects of this as she cheats on one of her other partners, Aiden.
Does seeing characters cheating or being cheated on normalize cheating in modern day relationships? Especially in pop culture, we watch our favourite celebrity couples struggle with adultery all the time. We see their marriages fall apart, hear the scandals on the radio. Beyoncé. Princess Diana. If it happened to them, of course it could happen to you.
In the end, cheating is a complex and deeply personal issue that varies from relationship to relationship. While it is never excusable, understanding the reasons behind it can provide insight into the larger emotional and psychological struggles people face. Whether a relationship can survive infidelity depends on the individuals involved, their ability to communicate and their willingness to rebuild trust. Ultimately, the most important takeaway is to prioritize relationships
where your needs are met, your boundaries are respected and you are valued. Cheating may
be normalized in the media, but in real life, it’s up to each person to decide what they are willing
to accept.
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