Ah, the mythical G-Spot. Pop culture magazines and the general media are all obsessed with this sexy sponge cake within the interior walls of the vagina. The Gräfenberg Spot would best be defined as the sexually sensitive area within the urethral sponge – a cushion of tissue between the vaginal wall and pelvic bone – that protects the urethra from sex.
We’re saturated with information that tells us all we have to do is hit our G-Spot, and earth-shattering orgasms that confirm our belief in a benevolent god will be ours. So we hunker down. We get ready to find it. We even buy new toys to get us psyched for the process. And, try as we may, we just can’t. So then we feel like a big freak.
What’s up with this obsession with the G-Spot, anyway?
Now, I’m not saying that I have anything against the G-Spot. A squashy vaginal key to giving women amazing orgasms? I’m on board. But I think it’s curious that despite solid scientific evidence to prove its existence, Cosmopolitan magazine is so ready to make each issue involve this quest to find their Orgasm Holy Grail.
Scientists and gynecologists still are seriously up in arms about the fact that no matter how hard they look for the G-Spot, they can’t actually find it. But a lack of scientific proof does not mean what women are experiencing is somehow invalid. I’m very much inclined to believe that in there, somewhere, we all have one, since the sponge itself is obviously, demonstrably present. It’s hard to clinically prove existence of the G-Spot because you have to be turned on to be able to feel it. It’s with arousal that the urethral sponge may become engorged and feel pleasurable when touched. But I don’t often get turned on when I’m visiting my gyno!
So I’m not saying that the G-Spot isn’t a real and pleasurable orgasm origin for a lot of women. However, my concern is that we’re all expected to have these fabulous orgasms on the inside of our vaginas, and that the standard sense of priority makes us forget that a lot of women already can have – and are having – fabulous orgasms through clitoral stimulation.
It begins to look to me a lot like the Freudian vaginal orgasm discourse – the idea that women need penetrative sex to get off, or that penetrative orgasms are somehow inherently better and more ‘mature’ than clitoral ones. It can potentially create a dialogue like this:
Dude: “So why isn’t my penile penetration satisfying you? Why isn’t it hitting your Gräfenberg Spot?”
Chick: “I feel inadequate because I happen to need clitoral stimulation to be satisfied.”
An entire industry has sprouted based on the G-Spot.
The driving concept is that the most common female orgasms aren’t good enough or that they aren’t sexually adequate. Resulting in us buying more and more things that feed into this media cycle on our perpetual quest.
Meanwhile, I fear that this hunt could send us on an expedition that ignores the actual urges, cravings and cues of our own bodies. Each of our bodies is unique, and while many females share some basic erogenous zones, it’s also pretty stupid to create one standard of how those operate, or try not to account for differences between individuals.
If you want to get down there and find your G-Spot, be ready to make an effort.
Do what you have to do to get really, really hot and roaring to go. Take some time to feel around, or have someone else feel around your vagina. Pick up on any sources of pleasure – you’re not just in there with one goal. When you’re ready, try to push against the upper interior wall. This means that if someone else is stimulating you manually in missionary position, they should be making a sort of come-hither motion.
For you, it should almost be like pushing away.
When you feel a walnut-like shape of tissue, you may have located your G-Spot.
Don’t expect magic right then – you’ll probably just have to pee. People think that once you find your G-Spot, then bam! You’re just going to come everywhere!
It’s not a guaranteed push button. You need to stimulate it properly. For some that might mean light touches, or other people might need a rougher stroke or a circular push. For some, touching the G-Spot hurts. For others, there’s not a positive or negative sensation – it just feels boring.
Because proper stimulation can be tricky, toys can be super helpful in getting that extra inch farther, and staying in the game just a bit longer. Order online if you have an idea of what you’re looking for talk to the super helpful folks at Venus Envy about your needs.
Are you looking for powerful vibration, just a little or none? Do you want clitoral stimulation simultaneously, or will there just be so much going on your vulva gets overwhelmed and hides in a hole of fear? One recommendation for those trying to look around for the G-Spot is the ‘Mini G’. It’s cute, it’s pink, it’s slim and good for scoping around up there. Or, if you’re more concerned about your privacy and you have a credit card, you can also order online at www.babeland.com or at the Venus Envy online store, www.venusenvy.ca.
And don’t forget to try different positions. It’s not just about getting up and down, you’ll also want to tackle this project from different angles. Try squatting or putting one leg against a wall. Get creative and release your inner yogi!
My advice to people who are just starting to get to know their body is to light some candles, go have some private time, enjoy some masturbation play, but don’t go hunting for your G-Spot right now.
Think of the G-Spot as standing in for gravy – you don’t need it to have great cheesy mashed potatoes. This is for the advanced class.
Like Dr. Ruth Westheimer says in Sex For Dummies, “If (you) find a place in your vagina that gives (you) a lot of pleasure, great. If not, (you) should just forget about it.” And maybe start touching somewhere else!