Polyamory has increased in popularity lately, as more and more couples try out non-monogamous relationships: the practice of being sexually or romantically involved with more than one partner. Having never experienced it myself, I’m curious. Polyamory can be misunderstood, but there are definitely pros and cons.
Am I for polyamory? Yes, absolutely, as long as it is being practiced in a way that isn’t hurting anyone. Polyamory can allow for the discovery of sexuality and taking charge of one’s autonomy — not to mention a whole lot of love. The great thing is, if you try it for a while and hate it, nothing says you ever have to do it again. And if you like it, there’s nothing stopping you! Doing what you want with your own body should be gratifying and enjoyable.
It is not applauded, though, when one partner seeks out another, without their other partner(s) being okay with it. The key to ethical non-monogamy, the kind of polyamory I would support, is communication. If everyone in the group is in agreement, then great! If there are lies and non-consensual activity, that’s where it starts to go wrong.
Polyamory vs. polygamy
Polyamory and polygamy can be confused, but there are key differences. Polygamy, being married to more than one person, is a little different and a lot more legally binding. (PSA: It’s also currently illegal in Canada).
When I hear the term, the first thing that comes to mind are the Fundamental Mormon polygamists who always seem to have a new mini-series out on Netflix. These stories have nothing to do with bodily autonomy and in fact make the whole idea of polyamory very off-putting for many. This makes sense, seeing as this form of polygamy is often rooted in a patriarchal and sexist structure where one man takes multiple wives, and a woman cannot do the same. It’s worsened by the fact that many of them are very, very young women. It also doesn’t help that historically, some of these polygamists were related! Not all polygamists are like this, of course, yet the idea still makes me pause. Polygamy is definitely not for me.
From an economic standpoint
Considering that $30 worth of groceries is only three items right now, from a financial standpoint, a polyamorous relationship doesn’t seem so bad at all. If it were a serious polyamorous relationship, with multiple people living together to pool in their income, I’d honestly get it. Saving money on your rent or mortgage is a smart move in my books, no matter how you do it.
And for those who wonder about a polyamorous couple raising a child, that doesn’t seem bad either — from both an economic and cultural standpoint. It would mean more resources and more income to support the child; and if the child grows up with loving parents, their childhood is surely a happy one, regardless of how many are in it. Families can come in all shapes and forms.
Yet, history would say they were just roommates. . .
Polyamory & me
Would I practice polyamory? That’s a whole other story. I hardly have time to seek out dates with one person, let alone multiple. Plus, with Halifax’s bussing situation, I can hardly make it to class on time; I can’t imagine what it’s like running to and from multiple dates each week. Those in polyamorous relationships have certainly mastered the art of time management.
There’s also the issue of jealousy. I have what I would call a healthy dose of jealousy. However, this would prove difficult to manage when coupled with polyamory. Communication, like in any relationship, would be imperative. So, as someone who struggles to tell people how I feel, this sort of relationship would not bode well for me. I used to have to write my mom notes asking her to buy more tampons, for crying out loud! Telling multiple partners about my jealousy should any issue arise would certainly be a struggle for me.
But who knows what the future holds. Relationships take many different forms and with the right people, maybe it could work. From my experience, some men are so incompetent (emotionally and sexually) that they should just automatically come as a package deal anyway.
Recent Comments