It’s time to talk about next year’s budget. Yeah, we’re as excited about this as you are. This may come as a surprise, but no one likes to be the bearer of bad news, year after year. So instead of a big old depressing 40-page report, we’ve decided to switch things up a bit this time around.
All of the facts and figures in our normal reports are pretty PURR-plexing and more than a little FUR-strating to navigate, so we’ve decided to hand over this year’s big reveal to 13 of the most adorable furballs the Internet has to offer.
We know this can be an emotional announcement, but we really hope that you won’t be quite so FURRY-ous with us as you were last year.
We’ll be frank: the news isn’t PURR-fect. Despite our best efforts to slash expenses, our revenues came up a little SHORT.
Trust us, we did everything we could to cut costs, from deferring MEOW-ntenance on our crumbling infrastructure…
…to firing untenured pro-FUR-ssors. Still, there were some serious expenses we simply couldn’t avoid…
…like sending hundreds of thousands of dollars to the former university president who is still somehow on the payroll. (Talk about a CAT-astrophic contract!)
We can tell from that SOURPUSS look you’re giving us that you know where this is going. We are going to have to raise tuition again. For some programs, this increase could be as high as 25%.
We get it: that’s a big number. You’re probably experiencing a little sticker shock.
We know this may be a little tough to swallow, but we have faith that you’ll figure it out.
You may have to downsize your accommodations…
Or add a little more ramen to your weekly diet…
But we know you’ll make it work! Hang in there baby!
From all of us on the Budget Advisory Committee, we like to wish you all the very best of luck searching for your second, third, and fourth summer jobs, and we sincerely hope that you have extremely PURR-ofitable summers! See MEW in Septem-PURR!
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