Maybe don’t break up

Three months ago, British Vogue published an article by Chanté Joseph titled Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? It argued that women now hide their partners, love being single and see boyfriends as culturally lame. 

The article drove the internet wild, sparking debate surrounding who women are choosing to date and why.

I’ll be the first to say that any good man is just an average woman. The standard women are held to is a bar few men will ever reach. But I’ve noticed a recent shift in a different direction — unfounded rules for boyfriends, situationships, lovers or whatever we’re calling them.

I have a suggestion for the girls: maybe take a second look before you break up. 

The internet today likes to govern how women should navigate their relationships. TikTok is the biggest culprit; the app pumps out a cesspool of rules and theories for all kinds of relationships. 

This kind of pressure from people who have never met you or your partner can quickly become toxic. If you tried to keep up with them, you’d be re-evaluating your relationship every day. Some popular theories include:

The “orange peel theory”: your partner should do things for you to make your life easier, like peeling your orange.

The “first love theory”: you will never compare to a man’s first love.

The “man you meet at 19 theory”: the man you meet at 19 will be the worst to you.

The “hair theory”: your hair becomes curlier when you fall in love.

I remember scrolling on TikTok and seeing an endless stream of these videos. It became a fun game to test my own relationship against the theories of strangers. But the further I went down the rabbit hole, the sillier the theories became, like girls saying they “don’t deal with men who are still figuring it out” or demanding a minimum allowance a week from their partner. 

This sent me into a momentary spiral — if I met my boyfriend at 19, am I not in love? If he doesn’t peel an orange for me, does that mean we should break up? I’ll give you a hint: it doesn’t.

I hope women keep holding men to the highest standard and expect nothing but the best. But there’s a difference between a high standard and an arbitrary viral phrase. 

Not following these theories doesn’t mean letting men get away with bad behaviour. It means listening less to the toxicity of the internet and more to yourself. 

It’s easy to talk about online theories, but they lose their merit when taken offline and into real life. Imagine saying to a friend, “He was in love with someone years before he met me, and you know the first love theory, so that means my relationship is doomed.”

Real-life relationships are messy. No one should have to fight to be loved, but they also shouldn’t sit back, expecting love to fall in their lap. Love is a practice that two people must work at and towards. 

If your relationship defies these theories, but you feel loved, happy and safe, tune out the noise. Instead of giving in to the algorithm, ask yourself: Is this relationship something I want? 

If the answer is yes, congratulations. Maybe don’t break up.