I have always been obsessed with something at any given time, but dinosaurs were my first true love. I could list off dino facts with near-savant precision. I would always leave my neighbourhood Roger’s Video with a VHS copy of either We’re Back, Jurassic Park, or any of the Land Before Time films. My first dream job was paleontologist. But now I think that part of my past has curled up and died. After having read Taken by the T-Rex—24 pages of dinosaur erotica—I don’t think I’d ever be able to look five-year-old me in the eyes.
In the e-book’s opening sequence, we’re introduced to the stereotypical prehistoric setting and asked to suspend our disbelief that humanoids and dinosaurs ever existed simultaneously. Drin, the village’s chief huntress, is on a warpath for the “big lizard,” which decimated her village and ate her mother. Towards the end of this tale, she will encounter the “big lizard” and inexplicably proceed to have sexual relations with it (I won’t spoil any of the logistics as to how this actually works). In a post-coital haze, the T-Rex walks off, never to bother the village again.
Taken by the T-Rex is actually pretty dull, in spite of its premise. It’s easy in the e-book’s beginning to think that you’re reading some amateur-grade stone age fan fiction, but this illusion is broken when suddenly, the T-Rex’s throbbing member enters the picture, and you’re made all too aware of what it is you are reading. The ordeal lasts six whole pages.
If nothing else, Taken by the T-Rex is a treatise in female empowerment. Drin, a woman, is seemingly the only prehistoric person capable of intelligent conversation; Grul, her male counterpart, speaks in the third person, omits any definite articles and expresses less emotion than a T-Rex. Interested only in “the thrill of the hunt,” Drin is bored by the simple sexuality of man. When chasing the T-Rex, she notes that “hunting, outsmarting and out-thinking her quarry gave her a thrill no man could ever match.” She even manages to turn what is essentially dino-rape into an exercise of dominance.
Of course, if T-Rexes are too mainstream for your literary sexual appetite, Christie Sims and Alara Branwen (the e-book’s authors) offer up other Jurassic playboys in Taken by the Pterodactyl, In the Velociraptor’s Nest and Ravished by the Triceratops. Each edition is roughly the same length and is adorned with a similar cover (usually a scantily clad white woman juxtaposed on some sort of primal back-drop and paired with a copy-and-pasted dinosaur).
My foray into the world of dinosaur erotica was a short and surreal experience.“The big lizard’s dick” is by far the strangest arrangement of words I have ever processed. I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to excavate some fossilized remnant of my innocence.
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