This 2014 is over, and we are now closer to 2030 than we are to 1999. With a New Year comes the time to make resolutions and try new things, so if you haven’t already planned out all of 2015 for yourself (or even if you have, but happen to be flexible with plans), here are some of the most valid, totally accurate suggestions for what 2015 will look like. Plan accordingly:
• Tons of terrible, low budget films about sharks.
• Neon. Lots and lots of Neon.
• All winning lottery tickets will be at least half even numbers.
• Hoverboards will be on sale before November.
• In a surprising turn of events, Samsung phones will become smaller.
• Even more surprising, pockets on girl’s jeans wi finally be large enough to hold phones.
• The trend of shorts and Nike sandals will be replaced by full length pants in various shades of plaid.
• “Throwback to 2005” will be in. MP3 players will finally make a comeback.
• As will My Chemical Romance
• Orange will actually become the new Black
• More Broadway musicals will get feature-length films.
• Book-to-movie adaptions will cease as producers realise they can get more money by making book-to- tv-series adaptions.
• Sea Monsters will replace Vampires and Werewolves in popular fiction.
• Wearing strange colored contacts, such as red, or white, will come into fashion.
• Hipster glasses will go out of fashion. Even more so than before.
• The Vancouver Canucks will have a shot at winning an NHL title, but will fail to win the last game. Again.
• Still no Black emojis.
• Skype software updates will allow it to actually work when you’re calling your parents.
• Marvel will reveal that their plans for an Ant Man movie was just a cover for a Black Widow movie all along.
• Google will crash and disappear without explanation for at least 48 hours and everyone will be forced to use Bing.
• Exams will be canceled because some students broke like half of the school rules but managed to defeat Voldemort and save the school from a Basilisk.
• The new Star Wars movie will be surprisingly good.
• Everyone will write their term papers in glittery gel pens.
• Thanks to marvelous technological breakthroughs, wifi on campus will actually work
• The most-watched video of the year will be a German rap song.
And, finally, the most important prediction of 2015:
• Despite telling yourself that you’re going to do things over reading week, nothing will actually get done and you’ll waste it all on whatever replaces Netflix.
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