How are all these people getting together? … when they can’t approach each other in real life

There seems to be a Seinfeld reference for every situation. 

In a season seven episode titled “The Wink,” Jerry claims 95 per cent of the population is “undateable” based on looks alone. When a disbelieving Elaine asks, “How are all these people getting together?” Jerry answers, “Alcohol.” 

That was almost 40 years ago. In today’s dating culture, the population hasn’t become less attractive, but it has lost another skill that reinforces Jerry’s theory: basic social interaction. 

Gen Z is the first generation to grow up with dating apps at our fingertips the moment we reached dating age. For many, these apps act as an initiation into the dating world. 

I first downloaded one — Tinder, of course — in my first year of university before I’d ever dated anyone. My friends considered me late to the game. Many of them started using dating apps in high school, since age restrictions are almost never enforced. 

However, a new phenomenon is rippling through my generation: dating app burnout. 

Many students have flippantly sworn off dating apps a few times throughout university, and we’re not alone. There is evidence that dating apps are dying — fueled by our generation’s increasing desire to get out of the swiping cycle and have a magical meet-cute in the real world. 

This dating app mass exodus has led to a realization for young people going out with the intention of meeting someone: they don’t know how. 

My friends and I often sit around discussing how guys have seemingly no idea how to approach us, and the few times they do, disaster tends to follow. 

We talk about how hard it is, not only to have a basic conversation with a guy, but to create the flirty spark we desire. 

We compare stories about trying to have a conversation with someone, while their eyes have a separate conversation with our chests. 

We sigh over wasted opportunities — the anticipatory butterflies that come with making meaningful eye contact with someone across a crowded bar — ultimately amounting to nothing.

But it’s not only the guy’s fault. I’m definitely guilty of being too scared to go up and introduce myself. 

I worry about having awkward conversations, staring at someone blank-faced while trying to think of something witty and charming to say. The thought of rejection can be so terrifying, I often opt to keep dancing with my friends, letting someone I could have a great connection with slip by. 

An over-dependence on dating apps is — at least partially — to blame for this increasingly awkward dating atmosphere. 

Staying in and swiping behind a screen, immediately knowing who likes you back and having endless hours to come up with responses and good one-liners, has caused our generation to lose the ability to flirt in real time. 

But exiting the dating apps means people will have to exit their comfort zones. The only way to actually start meeting people is to relearn how to talk to each other outside the virtual world. 

We need to develop thicker skin and come up with new ways to introduce ourselves and put ourselves out there. It won’t be the end of the world if one person, or even a few people, at the local dive bar aren’t interested.

Most importantly, after disappointing nights out, we cannot curl up in bed and start swiping to get the momentary endorphin rush of a “match.” 

It may feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it’s not worth it. Don’t you want the ultimate meet-cute story? Don’t you want to experience romance in person? 

Trust me, the more people you talk to, the easier it will become. Think of each interaction as practice — the run-up to the big leagues of an actual relationship. If something doesn’t work out, just shrug it off and tell yourself it wasn’t meant to be. 
Plus, if you’re nervous to start putting yourself out there, don’t feel bad if a little liquid courage is what it takes. It’s a tried and true method — Seinfeld certified.