What makes a good roommate dynamic?

Fourth-year Dalhousie University students, Haley Mullen, Carys McNeil, Noa Waldman and Laura Rezende, have lived together for almost three years. 

Rezende, Mullen and McNeil have known each other since elementary school and met Waldman in their first week of university. A month in, they started looking for a house together. 

Halifax’s vacancy rate rose to 2.1 per cent in 2024, according to the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation. In a tight rental market, students race against their peers to find housing. Securing a place to live was the group’s first test as roommates.

 “We felt really rushed,” says Mullen, a psychology student. “It was kind of infectious. One group of friends started prematurely looking, and everyone around them started too.” 

When trying to secure housing, the students also had to deal with potential landlords. 

“I know the first time we saw a house, the landlord said, ‘You either sign [the lease] in the next hour or you don’t get it,’” says McNeil, a math student. 

It’s been three years since the roommates embarked on their housing journey together.

Looking back, their advice for students choosing roommates, shared by a Dalhousie counselling professional, is that compatibility is key. Before agreeing to live together, they considered what each of them was looking for in a housing dynamic.

“Set the right expectations of how the house works as a whole, so people can find their roles really easily,” says Rezende, a neuroscience student. 

Just because the four are close friends doesn’t mean they don’t experience conflict. They quickly learned that friendship can impact roommate dynamics, specifically regarding chores.

“If you want to tell someone ‘I want you to do this,’ and it’s your friend, that can be a hard conversation to give or hear,” says McNeil.

A month into their second year of living together, the housemates decided a chore chart would be the best solution. They assigned each roommate a different chore, rotating each week.

“It takes away all of those awkward conversations,” says McNeil.

David Pilon is the director of counselling and psychological services at the Dalhousie Student Health and Wellness Centre. He says it’s important to consider that there are differences between a good friend and a good roommate.

“When it comes to friendships, we’re often attracted to people who are different than we are, and that can be appealing in a friend,” he says. “However, those qualities might lead to behaviours that don’t work very well when people live together.”

McNeil says she wouldn’t live with just any of her friends. 

“The most important thing is, this is someone that, after a hard day, I would want around,” says McNeil. “You can have a great friendship with someone, but when push comes to shove, that’s not the person you want around all the time.” 

Waldman, a chemistry student and McNeil’s roommate, agrees. 

“Living with your friend versus someone being your friend is very different,” says Waldman. “You have to be mindful of people’s feelings in a way that sometimes you’re not when you’re just hanging out with your friends regularly.” 

Rezende says moving in with roommates can be a big adjustment for some.

“If you’ve never lived with a big group of people before, you soon realize everyone has different expectations of what a clean house is, how much time you all spend together, communal spaces and how you share those spaces,” she says. “All these expectations you figure out over time.” 

Pilon says roommate conflict can be a stressor for students.

“It can get in the way of studying, make it harder to sleep at night and have an adverse impact on their concentration and their ability to get school work done.”

He recommends living with people who are collaborative, respectful and share the same expectations, behaviours and values. Before moving in, he says, it’s important to communicate about personal boundaries surrounding shared spaces, meals, groceries and expenses not covered under rent. 

“It’s a big life transition to come to university, and life transitions change people,” Pilon says. “The changes that people might experience may make them look for different potential roommates than what they were gravitating towards at the beginning of university.” 

For students experiencing difficulties with their shared living situation, Pilon says support is accessible through the Student Health and Wellness Centre. Scheduled and same-day appointments with counsellors are available Monday through Saturday. 

McNeil says self-awareness is important for finding compatible roommates.

“You have to think seriously about yourself, what environment you’ll do the best in and who you’re most comfortable with,” says McNeil.