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The dangers of digital dragnets

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Law enforcement is adopting more tech-savvy ways to operate and catch potential suspects.  

“Digital dragnets” are a new type of coordinated system police use for catching criminals. A dragnet is a policing term that refers to any techniques police might use to enclose an area and find a criminal (e.g., conducting traffic stops, doing DNA tests of people in a specific area). 

Digital dragnets implement these techniques in an even more covert, savvy and potentially dangerous way. One form of digital dragnets is a geofence warrant: It allows police to collect location data from technology companies like Google if they’re trying to find out who was in an area at a specific time. Digital dragnets are used by police in several countries including Canada.

Not all digital dragnets are dangerous or involve the collection of location data. The Be On The Lookout (BOLO) program uses technology, advertising and social media to assist Canadian police agencies in locating criminals across the country. It was used to find Bradon Teixeira who was charged with first-degree murder, for a 2017 shooting in British Columbia. The BOLO program put up ads showing Teixeira’s face on billboards, flyers (which were distributed to businesses Teixeira may have visited) and social media. These targeted ads led to tips and an eventual arrest.  

How Google helps police 

A 2019 article in the New York Times (NYT) revealed Google has been collecting location data from Android devices and some Apple products that have Google applications installed, and giving the data to police upon request. Such location data is maintained in what Google calls the Sensorvault, which holds location information from millions of devices across the globe. The data also goes back almost a whole decade. If you don’t remember where you were 10 years ago, Google does, and so might the police.  

Location data gives each smart device an identification number for detectives to track movement patterns specific to a crime. Once the dataset is narrowed down to a potential list of suspects, Google then reveals the device’s user information to police. 

Our world has seen data grow and be exploited massively over the last decade. Data as evidence, data as advertising, data as filtering: These are just examples of how our digital footprints are being used for purposes beyond our expectations. As consumers become more digitally literate and privacy conscious, calls for stricter government regulations have been made around the globe, and particularly in the United States.  

The 2018 Carpenter vs. United States Supreme Court case resulted in the decision that police must hold a warrant to access location information from telephone companies. Yet this ruling has not dissuaded law enforcement. According to one Google employee who the NYT interviewed in 2019, the tech company received about 180 geofence warrants a week. 

Dragnets and data rights 

Digital rights lawyer Jerome Greco, in an interview with Forbesargues geofence warrants “inherently invade the privacy of numerous people, who everyone agrees are unconnected to the crime being investigated, for the mere possibility that it may help identify a suspect.”  

Some might argue that all this was bound to happen: once technology is created with the ability for surveillance, it’s only a matter of time before it falls into the hands of law enforcement. Yet, digital dragnets represent a new danger.  

Geofence warrants have been used to investigate a myriad of crimes from bank robberies, arson, terrorism, murder and sexual assault. Digital dragnets can have huge implications on people’s lives. Even if a person is released during an investigation after being cleared of suspicion, time under police detention could risk employment and future stability.  

Digital dragnets are just a tiny part of the sea of data collection practices spurred over the last decade, putting tech giants like Facebook under public and political scrutiny. 

In the NYT article, one interviewed victim of digital dragnets was Jorge Molina. He was told by police they had location data placing his phone at the scene of a murder. Molina was held in police custody for just a week before the authorities realized he was innocent. But Molina’s life hasn’t been the same since the incident. He lost his job after he was wrongfully arrested at the warehouse he worked at. His car was repossessed after the investigation, and his digital privacy was undoubtedly breached.  

It is consequences like these that can occur from digital dragnet investigations. Contrary to traditional dragnets, the police do not need a specific individual or device to move their investigation along. The primary suspect becomes the location.  Police investigations become a Where’s Waldo-style hunt, where numerous people and devices become implicated in a crime. When police searches are supported by such shaky evidence, the probability of innocent people becoming implicated are sky high. Every individual with a device in a specific area during the time of the crime instantly becomes a suspect, simply because their information is being shared to Google. 

As recognised in the 2018 U.S. Supreme Court Carpenter vs. United States case, which was written by Chief Justice John Roberts, geodata is “an intimate window into a person’s life, revealing not only his particular movements, but through them his ‘familial, political, professional, religious and sexual associations.’”  

Digital dragnets are just a tiny part of the sea of data collection practices spurred over the last decade, putting tech giants like Facebook under public and political scrutiny. As COVID-19 accelerates the digital revolution, we need stricter, relevant measures regulating who gets access to our digital footprint, and how our data is being used. 

Correction: An earlier version of this article stated the Be On The Lookout (BOLO) program shared digital geoinformation to help police find missing criminals. This is not true. The BOLO program uses advertising campaigns to help generate awareness about and find missing criminals. The Gazette has updated the article and apologizes to the BOLO program for our mistake.

Your 2021 horoscope

Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

Read ahead to find out what your future holds in the upcoming year. The stars have determined it. Here lies your fate.  

Aries (March 21 – April 19)  

Let your competitive and passionate nature help you to bribe, steal and cheat some fun out of life (and your close acquaintances) this year. The stars aren’t aligned in your favour so you’ll have to grab what you want. It will be as easy as taking candy from a baby.  

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)  

The universe knows you hate the mundane, so this year will be the most boring one yet. Worry not. Look at it like a fun personal challenge, like quarantining with your parents.  

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)  

The planets are aligned in your favour Gemini. Your dreams of the crazy, weird and wonderful will come true this year. But be on the lookout for black cats. They’re probably bad luck, or good luck. Have fun figuring that one out. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) 

Tears are in your future, but pay no attention to any sadness. Grab a bottle of wine and a Nicholas Sparks movie, and numb it out this year. Maybe next year you will feel again. Here’s to hoping!  

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)  

Romance issues are on the horizon. Play it safe by ghosting everyone you’re talking to and keep your distance. Dreaming of someone means you’ve been seeing too much of them. Also don’t wear the colour orange out in public. You’ll find out why. 

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)  

Your analytical side will emerge this year. Don’t spend every moment worrying and wondering if other people are talking about you. They are, but you need to focus on yourself. And stop walking underneath ladders.  

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)  

Stop procrastinating on everything you do or this year will be as awful and unproductive as the last one. Seriously, get off TikTok.  

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)  

Not everyone wants what you want this year, Scorpio. Better to just let go of your plans to move back in with your family.  

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)  

Point your social arrows in a different direction this year. Your friends are really starting to get fed up with you dragging them to the Roxbury Urban Dive Bar every Friday night.  

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)  

Not everything has to be perfect this year, which is good because your life is a mess right now. Sometimes you just need to embrace things as they are.  

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)  

This year the stars will be working against you, but that’s all right. Just keep knocking back your vices. Your lack of determination will lead somewhere eventually. Keep your ex on speed dial just in case. We all know it’s hard to let go. 

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)  

Your artistic direction is going nowhere this year. Take it as a sign to get your head out of the clouds and find some productive hobbies (perhaps hula-hooping).  You just need inspiration.  

Left out in the cold

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Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article.

Someone dropped the ball when it came to bookings at the Dalplex, Studley and Sexton gymnasiums. This oversight will force some Dalhousie University Tigers teams off-campus for the time being. However, they won’t be inside another gym.

Dal’s basketball and volleyball teams will be based at nearby LeMarchant-St. Thomas Elementary School for at least the remainder of the year. Not inside the school, but at their outdoor courts.

The sudden move is a result of what Dal called “an unexpected, sudden and gross overbooking” of all three of their facilities until exactly March 13, 2021.

When contacted, Terry Robie, the Tigers’ facility scheduler, couldn’t provide an exact cause of the overbooking.

The Dalhousie Tigers’ basketball and volleyball teams will play at LeMarchant-St. Thomas Elementary School’s outdoor basketball court for the foreseeable future. (Photo by Luke Dyment)

“You know, there are tons of people and groups who need Dal’s facilities,” Robie said, mentioning how student activities are starting up again with fewer COVID-19 restrictions. “I know the Part-time Student Society needs to continue their five-night-a-week washer toss tournaments, and the Dalplex was the only place available. Legions and community halls are still closed, so those aren’t options.”

Adjusting to off-campus play

The affected teams remained baffled as to how Dal completely forgot their home courts were at Dalplex, or why washer toss and competitive hula-hooping were able to push them out.

“This isn’t only disrespectful, it’s disgusting,” women’s basketball player Leah Markie said. “Like, how do you screw that up? We represent the school for crying out loud and we aren’t even allowed to play there anymore. What now? Is everyone really going to go cheer on the Branch 152 bingo team every Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the Dalplex?”

LeMarchant-St. Thomas narrowly won a small competition between a few south end Halifax schools for the rights to host Dal this year. Other schools in the running included Gorsebrook Junior High School, Inglis Street Elementary School and even a seemingly sarcastic bid from Saint Mary’s University (SMU) that offered Dal the opportunity “to practice in the parking lot next to [their] rink.”

“It’s pretty discouraging that none of the bids even offered time in their indoor gyms. Zero,” Markie said. “At least we won’t be playing at SMU. I would much rather play outside at-30 C than at SMU.”

At an assembly of about 400 students, LeMarchant-St. Thomas principal Gail Thorne defended the school’s decision to make Dal play outside, citing efforts to enforce COVID-19 precautions.

“You can’t crowd any more people into this building, especially when the risk is so high with so many children,” she explained to two sets of packed bleachers at the assembly.

Some players are looking at the bright side of such a shocking situation.

“At least we don’t have to pay nearly as much in athletic fees,” said men’s volleyball player Igor Hughes. He added electricity and air conditioning costs won’t be an issue outside.

“No one is really ever using these courts except when the kids have recess. That means we can go all day if we want,” Hughes said. “Also it’s getting cooler out so there’s no need to worry about overheating like in the warm gym.”

When asked about other cost factors that come with playing in winter weather, Hughes muttered, “Snowploughs. Oh shit. Those can be pricey, can’t they?”

Five reasons to keep your camera off on Zoom

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Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

Zoom is a video conference tool used by many professors at Dalhousie University to host synchronous classes. While it is a useful application, there are some unpleasant outcomes of being in class while also being at home. 

Here are five Zoom horror stories from Dal students who wish they’d kept their cameras off.  

1. They saw everything!  

Still shaken from earlier that same day, Dale Smith shared his story with the Dalhousie Gazette about a Zoom meeting for his Mandarin class. 

“It’s not normal,” Smith said. “I mean, I usually wear pants to class. I do. But this morning, I was running late.” 

Smith described his Zoom ordeal in awkward detail. He awoke late and couldn’t find his jeans. Rather than missing class he logged on, relieved nobody could see below his chest level. That is until his teacher asked him to read from the class textbook.  

Instinctively, Smith stood up to grab his copy of the textbook. Smith’s classmates got an eyeful of his green Minecraft boxer shorts in full view.  

“The worst part,” Smith said, “is that it was a good 20 minutes before I realized they’d seen anything. A classmate finally piped up and asked, ‘Lǎoshī [teacher], how do you say Minecraft in Mandarin?’ I almost died.” 

Getting caught sitting on the toilet during a Zoom call is bad, but it could be worse. (Photo of woman on toilet by Brandi on Flickr; photo of video call by Jagrit Pajaruli on Pixabay)

2. The wrong kind of movement 

Sybil Jennings is part of the music program at Dal. She recently adopted a puppy and has been spending time sitting on the floor as a way to teach him not to jump on furniture.  

Last Wednesday, as  her class was beginning, Jennings left her place on the floor to find a new reed for her clarinet. 

“I was only gone for two minutes. I still can’t believe he did that,” Jennings grumbled. 

As the class looked on, Jennings’ three-month-old goldendoodle performed a movement no music student would ever let loose in public.  

“I mean, at least he missed the laptop, but my clarinet will never be the same.”  

3. I’ll never look at my professor the same way again 

English professor Jordan West likes to have a monthly group chat with his first-year creative writing students. According to one of his students, Virginia Wang, this month’s meetup was unique.  

“He just forgot or something. It was like he didn’t realize we were there,” Wang explained, “You know when you butt dial someone? It was like that. He was having a full-on conversation with his cat about the new season of The Bachelorette, and then he started dancing with it. I mean like waltzing with his cat.” 

According to Wang, the class called to get the professor’s attention without success. 

“Eventually, we just logged off. But honestly, I haven’t been able to look at him the same way since,” said Wang. 

4. Breaking up live 

One of the more dramatic Zoom foibles at Dal happened two weeks ago to Amare Nkosi. He was just logging into a statistics lecture when his girlfriend, Amber, stormed in. 

“I tried to tell her I was live on Zoom, but she just launched into me,” Nkosi said. 

Amber, not realizing Nkosi’s class was watching, told him she couldn’t be with him anymore and she was moving out. 

“I couldn’t speak. I just sat there dumbstruck as she packed. Eventually my stats partner, Phil, shouted something I won’t repeat at her and she looked up.” 

Nkosi hasn’t seen Amber since, but says he’s single and is hoping the app Tinder will offer more success in the relationship department.  

5. Karaoke has never been so entertaining 

Forgetting a Zoom meeting is one thing, but sending an entire history class a video of your latest home karaoke performance is another. This is what happened to student Shayna Thompson. 

“One minute I was attaching a sample assignment, the next, my entire class was humming David Guetta’s “Titanium.” That’s when I knew I’d sent the wrong file,” they said.  

Since that day, Thompson said things got better. 

“The mocking was easy to cope with once I started getting invitations to virtual karaoke events. I just wish my professor would stop calling me Sia.” 

Prof struggles to show students he’s chill 

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Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

During the past 15 years, Dalhousie University history professor Kevin Morris says he has developed a reputation as the “chill professor around campus.” But he’s found this reputation difficult to maintain during virtual learning.  

“Yeah, the students, or ‘pupes’ as I call my pupils, are always stopping me in the quad to say hey or kick around the [hacky] sack,” Morris said in a Zoom interview with the Dalhousie Gazette. “They say things like, ‘Yo Kev’ — they call me Kev — ‘dope lecture today!’ You know, things like that, like the word ‘dope.’” 

But things are different now. Like most Canadian universities, Dalhousie has shifted to a largely asynchronous, online learning model, meaning Morris now pre-records his lectures for his students to watch on their own schedule. 

“It’s been rough. I won’t lie,” said Morris. “Normally I’ll crack a few jokes right off the top just so the pupes know I’m not some stuffy egghead. But it’s awkward without an audience, you know? I’ve had to re-record my lectures three, four, sometimes six times just to get the jokes right.” 

Lecture jokes don’t land asynchronously 

When asked if he normally gets laughs during live lectures, Morris declined to comment. 

Kevin Morris, a Dalhousie University history professor, used to play Hacky Sack® and host rap sessions with his students. But with online classes this year, he’s finding it difficult to connect with his pupils. (Photo by Foto Sushi on Unsplash)

Besides jokes, Morris had a few other in-class tricks he uses to communicate his chillness. But most of those tricks are difficult to execute in an online format. 

“I always do this bit during the first lecture where I throw the textbook out the window,” Morris said. “It’s supposed to show them I don’t really care about the rules.”  

Amanda Russell, one of Morris’ students, said that bit didn’t translate well to this year’s first pre-recorded lecture.  

“He just shared his screen and dragged the textbook PDF from the documents folder to the trash bin and yelled, ‘Yeah, I just did that,’” said Russell. “I don’t think it really had the effect he wanted it to. I just lowered my volume a bit.” 

Despite this stunt, Morris’s class still has a required text. To further demonstrate his anti-establishment approach, Morris provided the text for free via a PDF from a Russian website. He sent it to students on the first day of class in a Dropbox folder entitled, “Not payin’ fo’ that shit.” 

Most of the students had already purchased the textbook, co-authored by Morris, from the Dal bookstore for $574.99 plus tax.  

Online challenges 

According to Morris, he’s also had technical difficulties when recording his lecture videos. 

“Shot framing has been my biggest challenge,” Morris said. “I’ve been having trouble keeping my face in the shot while also making it clear that I’m casually leaning on my desk in an improvised manner. I usually end up sort of scrunching my body so it all fits in the frame.” 

Morris said he remembers when he was a university student, which was “more recent than you might think,” he hated sitting through long lectures. Because of this, he makes sure to give his students frequent breaks. 

“I used to call them texting breaks, but nobody texts anymore,” said Morris. “I’ve been workshopping some new types of breaks for the pupes. I just heard of this new thing everyone’s using called Quibi. I think it’s like Netflix, but the videos are shorter. That could be a cool break.” 

Third-year arts student Jeffrey MacIsaac said while he appreciates the breaks in Morris’s lectures, he’d rather decide for himself how he spends them. 

“You just feel kind of sorry for the guy,” MacIsaac said. “Last week during break I went to make myself a sandwich and when I came back there’s Morris on my screen asking us to follow him into a downward dog.” 

Morris’s weekly mandatory email survey resulted in mixed reviews for a “yoga break.” 

Outside of class, Morris said he typically has an open-door policy. He frequently hosts “rap sessions” in his office for students to talk about course concepts or “whatever’s trending on the charts.” 

“I usually kicked off those rap sessions with some fire rhymes,” Morris said.  

While attendance at those in-person rap sessions during the pre-COVID-19 years was sparse, Morris hopes the online version will take off. 

“I’ve started hosting the rap sessions on Discord,” a wide-eyed Morris said while frantically gesturing toward a whiteboard with ‘chill prof things’ written at the centre of an elaborate mind map. “I’m still trying to think of a catchy name for them though. I think, once I nail down a name, people will start coming. Wait, oh my God. DISCO SESH!” 

Russell said it’s frustrating hearing about her professor’s efforts to ensure his chill reputation survives the pandemic.  

“We haven’t received a single piece of grading or feedback the entire year,” Russell said. 

Established drug dealers see business go up in smoke

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Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

In 1983, Ron Slater’s father arrived at Dalhousie University’s Howe Hall residence with one pound of original haze marijuana and sold out within a month.  

In 2008, Ron’s older sister arrived at Howe Hall with one pound of lemon haze and sold out within a week. In September 2020, Ron, a current Dal student, arrived with a pound of super lemon haze to find Howe Hall closed for quarantining students. It took Ron until mid-October to unload his portion of the family stash. 

“It was a tough first few months,” Ron said. “When I went home for Thanksgiving my dad noticed there was still some weed in my bag and I could tell his heart just sank.” 

“I always thought legalization would bring an end to our little family tradition,” said Leif Slater, Ron’s father. “But it turns out COVID-19 has really screwed things up for Ronnie.” 

For the past few months, Ron has called Shirreff Hall home, which is usually filled with first years eager to score their first hit. But COVID-19 regulations have made it difficult for Ron to introduce students to weed and therefore create a customer base. 

Safe bong sharing during COVID-19  

“My father always told me that the best way to get people to buy drugs is to let them use drugs for free first. That’s a little difficult when no one wants to touch your bong,” Ron said.  

A bong is a water pipe that uses earth, fire, wind and water –– the four elements in Western culture –– to get a person high. They are popular among students in residence for the limited amount of odour and smoke they create.  

According to Ron’s father and sister, a bong in a Dalhousie residence building should be used by four to seven different mouths each weekday and 10 to 45 mouths each day of the weekend.  

“That’s accounting for the inflation of residence occupation numbers between 1983 and 2020 too,” said Leif. 

This year, Ron has had difficulty convincing people his bong is safe. His first instinct was to try using his bong while wearing a mask.  

“The smoke just went everywhere. I was pretty high already so I forgot the actual purpose of a mask for a second,” he said.  

Former drug den Howe Hall has seen a dramatic drop in activity since the residence shifted to a quarantine facility due to the pandemic. This decline in drug use has left dealers holding the bag. (Photo by Ashar Ahmed)

Next, Ron began advertising his enhanced cleaning protocols on social media. He often uses Snapchat stories to share his new inventory with buyers.  

“I find the key to any good social media ad is aggressively moving your camera towards the kush while shining an extremely bright light on it,” Ron said.  

However, he has adapted and discovered new techniques for his COVID-19 campaign.  

“Usually I go with a slow-motion close-up of the disinfectant wipe slowly swirling around the mouth of the bong,” Ron said. “Maybe I play some Philip Glass off my computer in the background so people know I’m serious about disinfecting after each use.”  

Customer base crashes 

Due to COVID-19, students in residence are allowed no more than two people in a room at a time, making many of Ron’s old business tactics obsolete.  

“I simply cannot recruit customers,” he said. He’s been trying to connect with other students any way he can. 

“It was a bit weird,” said David Wooderson, another student living in Sherriff. Ron privately messaged Wooderson during a Zoom lecture and told him he recognized his room as also being in Sherriff.  

“Then he asked me if I like to hit bowls,” Wooderson said. “I thought to myself, ‘thank God this course is only on Zoom’ and closed the chat.” 

So far, Ron has been told by three of his professors to stop inappropriately using the Zoom chat function.  

Elderly prof accidentally live streams entire life

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Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

Howard Beale has been teaching Gilded Age history at Dalhousie University since 1974. One recent night, at 12:47 a.m., he sleepily walked into his kitchen to get one last piece of pecan pie and noticed an odd light blinking over his desktop computer in the living room. As he got closer, he realized it was his external webcam notifying him it needed new batteries. He wondered why. 

Howard rarely uses his webcam as the course he teaches is asynchronous. He thought he only turned the webcam on once a week for his office hours. Howard shrugged, ate his pie and went back to bed. The next day, his daughter came over to try and figure out why the webcam had run out of power so quickly.  

“Turns out he had been streaming live on Collaborate Ultra for 51 days,” says Howard’s daughter Louise Beale. Her father had opened Collaborate Ultra for his first set of office hours and never understood he was also supposed to close it.  

At first, Howard was embarrassed and concerned that more than 200 students had been able to look into his home whenever they pleased. But it turns out Howard’s constant presence helped many students get through anxious nights of studying amid the difficulty of virtual learning. 

“This is legitimately the only thing Dal has ever done to improve student mental health,” said Diana Christensen, a student in Howard’s class. 

According to Howard, Dal has reached out to him about continuing the streams. The university has proposed replacing the Student Health and Wellness Centre with a theatre where Howard would be constantly livestreamed.  

Howard Beale only meant to host virtual office hours, but he accidentally livestreamed his entire day-to-day life on Collaborate Ultra. (Photo of man by Sam Wheeler; edited Brightspace screenshot by Geoffrey Howard)

Students become attached to Beale 

“My five roommates and I were all watching when he went to get the pecan pie. We used to keep it on all night on someone’s laptop just in case anything happened,” said Christensen.  

“We could tell the camera was blinking and when he got close to it our roommate Josh just started bawling,” she said. “The relief we felt when he went back to bed just made it so much more crushing when Louise turned it off during lunch the next day.” 

Another student, Max Schumacher, says Howard’s streams were the only thing that kept him from dropping out of university.  

“So that’s pretty much the end of the line for me,” Schumacher said. He’s hoping to attend Saint Mary’s University next year.  

Dal wants Beale to continue 

“Dal is committed to meeting the mental health needs of its students. If a method of mental health support is successful we will continue to use it, no matter how unconventional,” said university spokesperson Dale Housey in an email to the Dalhousie Gazette

When asked about the idea, Howard said, “During the Gilded Age, mental health was the responsibility of the asylum.” It is unclear if he understands what exactly the university wants him to do. 

According to Louise, adjusting to virtual teaching has been a large challenge for Howard. 

“You have to understand, until last year he would write his PowerPoints out by hand and have a [teacher’s assistant] create them,” Louise said.  

Amidst this unusual situation, Beale reflects fondly on the earlier days of his time at Dal.  

“When I first got here in the 1970s,” he said, “the only thing I’d have to do for a student’s mental health was light their cigarette.”  

The Dalhousie Gazette ’s 2021 bingo card

Editor’s note: This is a satirical article.

Throughout this year, people have responded to terrible events by saying, “Wow, this wasn’t on my 2020 bingo card!” For the approaching new year, the Dalhousie Gazette has provided readers with their very own 2021 bingo card. Wonder what next year has in store for you? Play to see!

Click here to download the bingo sheet!

Disclosure: Hannah Bing is a member of the Dalhousie Gazette publishing board.

Mask appeal: behind the hot new trend

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The world celebrates fashion week in New York, Milan, London and Paris every February, but at Dalhousie University students celebrated early. From Nov. 16 to 20, students gathered on Zoom to celebrate Dalhousie Fashion Week. Everyone was raving about the fashion-forward trend of decorating plague masks.  

Masks make a statement 

The discovery of COVID-19 has created some concern in the world. The wearing of facial coverings has been encouraged by doctors to decrease risk of spreading the deadly disease. While many Haligonians wander the streets in generic blue paper masks, the students at Dalhousie have begun an avant-garde venture into haute couture medieval plague masks.  

Invented by Elon Musk’s grandfather in 500 AD, plague masks have moved past the basic austere beak-like structure and goggle exterior to allow for whimsy and individuality. Many students are going so far as to decorate their masks using items found around their homes. Below, you’ll find some of the top trends in plague mask fashion from this year’s Dalhousie Fashion Week.  

Pompom power plague mask 

The colourful pom poms on this mask make the beak truly pop, and the accents around the eye holes will have everybody talking. (Photo by Mandy King)

You don’t have to be a cheerleader to enjoy pompoms. This plague mask trend is inspired by crafty realness. All you need is hot glue to place some colourful pompoms across the plain white beak of your plague mask. 

Students have been seen boasting the pompom look with a variety of clothing options, including sportswear, casualwear and even that little black dress.  

This is one of the most cost-effective looks and has received praise from third-year psychology major Miranda West, who says, “It says so much but requires so little, you know? The pompom look is by far my favourite.” 

Why be basic when you can be a plague-icorn?  

Readers are sure to stand out with this unique mask! (Photo by Mandy King)

Taking things up a notch from the basic craft store look, students in the theatre and creative writing departments have been spotted on Zoom and around campus with  sparkly unicorn-themed plague masks.  

All you need for this look is sequins and gold glitter. This mask will be perfect for any ’20s inspired flapper dance number, or at a sparkly New Year’s Eve Zoom party.  

Unicorns have been trending for the last few years, and this mask style comes as no surprise to Dal students or faculty. However, chemistry professor Clive Ahearn did comment negatively on the masks. 

“It isn’t that I don’t like unicorns. Who doesn’t like unicorns?” Ahearn says. “But the glitter, it’s distracting. Can we see something in a felt next year?” 

Make merry with your mask 

The seasonal decal on this masks makes it perfect for the holidays. (Mandy King)

With December creeping up, many students have begun the task of decking the halls and their plague masks. Twinkle lights, ribbons, bows, pine cones and silver bells have been seen sparkling on students’ plague masks.  

When surveyed, most students admitted that decorating their masks with holiday lights made them feel a little better about the lack of oxygen and impending exams.  

Fourth-year environmental science major Dave Qiu suggests  holiday plague masks are most effective at night, but he wishes more students were environmentally conscious in their décor decisions.  

“I wish more students would consider solar energy to power their plague masks lights. I understand that battery operated twinkle lights get you across campus safely, but what if we cut out the batteries completely?” Qiu says.  

Countless possibilities  

The above trends have been the most popular plague mask themes, but they weren’t the only accessories that found their way into Dal Fashion Week. Other contending styles included animal prints, faux fur, Greek key designs, graffiti, periodic table, pop art, floral and geometric shapes.  

Whatever your style is, Dal students are encouraged to show off their DIY chops with their latest plague mask designs during Zoom lectures, or whenever they’re picking up books  at the library. Still not sure how to decorate your mask? Professor Samuel Mensah of the history department says, “When in doubt, do your research. There’s plenty to be learned from fashions of the past.” 

Dal provides oasis of calm

Editor’s note: This is a satirical article. If you’re a Dalhousie student struggling with mental health issues, contact the Student Health and Wellness Centre (902-494-2171), or the Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team (1-888-429-8167) for emergencies. 

Dalhousie University has announced some exciting virtual initiatives to help students cope with mental health issues next semester.  

Therapy dogs and stress balls 

Many students at Dalhousie can agree on one thing: This year has been mentally and emotionally exhausting. We’ve had to deal with the switch from in-person to online learning, all while living through a pandemic. But thankfully, Dal students don’t need to worry any longer! In true Dalhousie fashion, the school has come up with tons of new mental health initiatives because more than anything the university cares about the well-being of their students.  

After Dal’s Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences opened an online forum on Brightspace for students to complain about school, the university heard the call for more mental health resources. So, starting in January 2021, Dal will officially be bringing back therapy dogs. However, to keep things  safe and accessible, they will be emailing all Dal students pictures of different dogs each week. Make sure to keep an eye on your Dal emails for Therapy Dog Thursdays.  

Much needed mental health resources will soon be available for students at Dalhousie University. One of these exciting new initiatives is Therapy Dog Thursdays: The university will email images of puppies to students every week. (Photo of dog by VIVIANE6276 on pixabay, photoshopped by Geoffrey Howard) 

To help manage the stress of online learning and a global pandemic, Dalhousie will mail tiger-shaped stress balls (Go Tigers!) for the low price of $50 to any interested students. They are also including a free pamphlet of activities and resources for students having a hard time during the school year. The pamphlet entails helpful advice to combat the seasonal and holiday blues, such as going for a walk, looking on the bright side of things, taking a bath, baking bread or making a list of all the things you’re grateful for (like being a Dalhousie student!). Make sure you order your stress balls and pamphlets soon so you can get even more hot tips from Dalhousie about managing stress. 

Breakout rooms and breakdowns 

Dalhousie is hosting a few workshops via Zoom to support students. The first one is called “Breakout Rooms and Breakdowns.” It is meant to be a private, but non-isolated virtual space for students. Simply sign into a breakout room within your Zoom group to cry with other students between online lectures. The breakout rooms will consist of five students each and will be randomly assigned once all interested students join the Zoom call. Dal anticipates this workshop will fill up quickly, so make sure to sign up on Jan. 1, 2021. 

Another new workshop beginning next semester is called “Box Dye and Self-Deprivation.” Dal knows many students throughout the pandemic have been box dying their hair as a coping mechanism. So, Dal has decided to host a workshop on how to properly box dye hair and prevent damage to your beautiful locks. This workshop will be held once a month. Make sure you attend and get all the great tips on how to impulsively dye your hair.  

The third workshop is called “Burnout and Baking.” Does online school have you feeling burned out? Dalhousie has the workshop for you! Students are invited to learn how to bake bread via Zoom. Ever felt nostalgic for the delicious on-campus cuisine of residence halls? Well you’re in luck. The chefs from Grizzly Hall residence will be teaching Dalhousie students how to make sourdough. Baking bread is a great new hobby students can learn while their pre-recorded lectures pile up.  

With Dalhousie’s second semester of online learning fast approaching, all of its students can relax knowing those four months will also be filled with emailed stock images of therapy dogs, tiger-shaped stress balls, luxury private breakout rooms for crying, bread baking classes and hair dyeing tutorials.  

Disclosure: Hannah Bing is a member of the Dalhousie Gazette publishing board.